The Stanfield Taliban Magazine

Stanfield Press

News with Views

Stanfield Taliban - page 2

Unfortunately for folks of the above type,

Political free speech is the most protected!

StanfieldPress - 2014 - Happy New Year!

December 2014, end of year Stanfield Taliban Update!

As translated by StanfieldPress, our opinion is as follows:

Unfortunately, we Stanfield Taliban have been forced to cancel the Mass Executions of Stanfieldians that we don't like, which was scheduled for December the 28th. This is in part due to more and more folks around here waking up to the fact that even when we would not benefit from lying, we still do, because we just can't help ourselves. Examples would be the pre-planned purge of Abu Bakr Harvey, which we passed off as a health issue, even though just 2 weeks before he was bragging to a local resident that he only had 2.5 more years to go till retirement. At that 2.5 year mark, Abu Bakr Harvey would become locked into a 2nd cushy retirement, over and above his Department of Defense one, plus his eventual Social Security benefits. Now, Abu Bakr Harvey is unemployed with little or no known income, no doubt crying himself to sleep at night, all at our own hands, even though he was once one of us!...or so he thought.

Another example would be our defrocking in public of Hakkak Slugfoot Smith, since he is of little or no use to us now, at least on paper. Then there is the sudden approval of his wife opening a bar that we railed against, to the point that paid local cops 'while on the clock' ran all over town to get residents to write mean letters about said bar and their desire not to have one become operational.

We will now most likely try to work a deal with Hakkak Slugfoot Smith that will lead him to believe that he is now redeemed, he is certainly stupid enough to feel that way and we will then be able to use him for our dirty work, while maintaining plausible deniability.

Furthermore, this apparent allowing of alcohol sales, which we actually don't want, will calm those that we upset over our discussions about canning such alcohol availability, even though our mindset remains the same. These twists and turns, along with our intentional use of veiled double entendre (read that as B.S.) is why we are no longer trusted and will have to sling some major hash to regain the trust of our victims, uh, we mean local residents.

So for now, we will have to fall back to the historical position of messing with people we don't like, via loosened automotive and tractor lugnuts, false rumors, lies, snippy pre-election mass mailings of quantum level crapola, selective enforcement of color of law regulations and the possible 'suspected' murder of those peoples pets, as a form of childish payback.

Yes, we are total cowards, but we are so good at it, so run with what you know.

Unfortunately, some of the folks we have been messing with are more likely than we thought to come out of their homes at night, catch us in the act and blowing us in half with a 12 Gauge, then going back inside to enjoy a quiet meal. God, what do we do now? With elections coming up in the next year, we are sure to lose our control of the local populace and perceptions, then we will have to sit with folks who are dedicated to our downfall each 1st Thursday of the month or whatever day we move meetings to. Looks like we will have to resume having secret meetings before the official meetings in order to sidestep and minimize the effects of those expected newly elected officials. Damn it all to Hell, this is really pissing us off, we are running out of options! It now seems there are just too many folks waking up to the fact that the Kool-aid we have been passing out for the last 9 years has a snarky taste and they no longer want to drink it, so we are quickly reaching the point of not being able to get away with anything.

I guess we will have to reinvent ourselves as moderates, while still invoking religion as an excuse for what we have done in the past and what we'd like to do in the future - even though most of us live like heathens 6.5 days a week. We will also probably have to delay posting the minutes of our monthly meetings to 6 months instead of our already ridiculous 3 month delay, which we do so that we can make adjustments, as needed. Never mind that those delayed meeting minutes are questionable from a legal standpoint, since they are not usually signed or dated, but that allows us wiggle room to edit them. Editing is a handy little option to have and the only one we may now be left with in our effort to control reality! This really sux, looks like we will have to eventually go back into hiding till a point in time when folks fall back asleep and we can sneak back into power! Signed - The Frustrated Stanfield Taliban!