News with Views

One of our favorites - StanfieldPress!

Hello Everyone,

As your Mayor now in my 3rd term in office I have made the sun rise each morning and the seasons change. I was born here in Stanfield of Immaculate Conception and have been married for many years with 3 children, one of which has shown thuglife potential, but they are not me, so let's get back to the subject at hand, which would be talking about ME. I am a Major Player in my shrinking church, as it seems many folks have left, them obviously not being able to look upon my shining light, as I am so bright. Some of them are Renters, so who cares. I sit in the Choir each Sunday and gaze down upon them, approving with nods for the ones who may hold potential uses for me, the others, well, they are the ones leaving.

As your Mayor I have done many things, of course you would only be hearing of my glorious exploits if it wasn't for that StanfieldPress guy, however as part of my great game of pretending, I'm playing Nicey Cakes by coming to you here now. In my most recent Mayor's Corner, as seen in the Frou-Frou laden Stanfield Newsletter, I take pride in the fact that we are a Secret Town, I think it's great that we are far less significant of a town than we were before I gained control of all your lives, err...I mean came in to save you all. Yes, I am the Lord of the Flies and soon I will be Mayor of little more that a hill of skulls, at the rate we are going downhill.

What I have done for you is as follows, you should appreciate the way I have cleaned things up around here, am I not now loved by all! We no longer have any expansion of heavy industry, who needs it, you can get a job somewhere else. You can no longer get your car worked on here, many of you are fat and need to walk more anyway. All the daycare centers for those pesky kids have been vanquished, as the only children of merit are my own, except for that one mentioned above, but I'm probably not his real father anyway, so let's move on. You can no longer do your banking here in town, banks are bad, haven't you read the news? I have wasted, err...I mean invested much of your tax dollars in overpriced, 3rd rate Dodge brand police cars and I have spent tons of your money on a ridiculous almost gaudy looking park that is mainly used by non-tax payers from outside of Stanfield. However, as your Mayor and Spiritual Leader, I decide what happens around here and pimped out patrol cars and the town park are my legacy. Speaking of which, please donate to the statue of me that is planned for the park entrance, it will feature me with an upraised arm pointing at the abortion, err...I mean the investment that the park represents, but try to overlook the Vietnam War era looking utility building that some claim ruins the look and feel of the place, I like it and that's all that matters.

As you drive through town at night, gaze upon yet more of my wasted money, err...I mean upgrades, you will have to shade your eyes with an upraised arm to avoid being snow blinded by the 483 lamp posts, but aren't the cheapest possible landscaping trees we overpaid for nice, even though they now crowd the insane number of lights we had installed! I reject the comments by StanfieldPress that the outlandish number of lights are so my Alien Elders know exactly where to land to pick me up for our annual convention, it's just not true. I'll address the wavy, back wrenching sidewalks that are already starting to crack, at a later date - I'm going to blame that on Robert Harvey anyway.

Speaking of Robert, I had nothing to do with the recent purge of Robert Harvey, even though I was done with him and had him fooled for over 5 years that he was one of my elite entourage members with untouchable status. Robert Harvey did quit over health reasons, I think it was heartburn or maybe the huge knife I left in his back. I also reject the comments made here that I totally dorked over Jason Smith. Yes, Jason gave me his vote over the Personal Character and Bar Opening issues, I then used that vote (which I otherwise would not have had) to stick it to him right where the sun doesn't shine TWICE, as he bit down so hard he cracked a molar, but it's nothing personal, as I stated. I'm simply done with him too, as his shenanigans and moral-flexibility (worse than my own) were starting to ruin my Holy Image, so he must be taught a lesson. I mean seriously folks, do you really expect me to keep all these used up people around, once they have become boring or useless to me, of course not! I have a few more folks on my list that I plan to throw away, err...I mean help move on, but these things must be phased in, so as not to draw too much attention. After all, I would hate for folks to figure out that I am not as I appear to be, it wouldn't be good for my completely bogus image and it would probably also hurt the fundraiser for my Soviet era statue that is planned for the park.

As we move backwards, err...I mean forwards, please remember how important I am to all of you, is it not I that makes the grass grow and the sun shine? Join forces with me in ruining Stanfield, did I say ruining, I mean continuing to improve it and please submit any ideas you have for wasting yet more tax dollars to the front desk of the Town Hall. I will review any submissions and make my choices, after all I am smarter than all of you put together and that is why I am Mayor of this declining city. If I think any of your submitted ideas are stupid or expensive enough to warrant my attention, I will implement them and then take full credit for myself. In closing, I want to thank you all, mainly the Lemmings who vote for me and believe I'm a great guy with their best interest at heart, I don't, but keep thinking that. Have a Good Day - after all it is one that I have brought you!

Below are some of my personal favorite ideas for the planned statue of me at the park entrance.

Don't feel too weird about the ones where I am a woman, it is meant to be symbolic, since I am Mother Earth to Stanfieldians, young and old. How you people ever got along without me is a mystery. As any good parent would agree, the OBEY slogan is just a reminder that I am the parent and you are the child, so OBEY me. The Soviet emblem use is a sign and reminder of my Authoritah and you will respect my Authoritah!

Let's have some fun, as in this new page is 100% Satire.

For you folks from Kentucky, that means that the Mayor isn't actually here and these are not his words. What follows is simply me making fun of him (based on my opinions and what folks who have known him for years or even since childhood say he is really like), when not being watched.

Since egomaniac types hate to be made fun of, it is important to expose them in this way.

Mayor Kevin 'Glitterbug' Barbee knew all about my persecution (he got the e-mails and Lawyer Letters at his home) and did nothing. Glitterbug is a worthless, two faced Nillie who thinks all of us are meat on the table, to be used up like a razor blade and discarded once we have lost our edge. Just look at all the people he has turned on, then discarded and the way he looks at certain of us as Children of a Lessor God.

* One thing is for sure, Kevin is so in love with himself, so desperately in love with himself, that his final wish in life will simply be to Die in His Own Arms!