News with Views
Please Note: This and all other pages labeled as the Mayor's Corner is strictly satire. Oh, there is alot of veiled truth in that satire, but I'll leave it up to you to verify that for yourselves. Meaning the Mayor is not really here and these are not his words.
For you people from Kentucky, satire means 'making fun of something or in this case - someone.'
What you read at the StanfieldPress Mayor's Corner is what we think dumbass would say in a consequence-free environment. All is based on feedback from folks who REALLY Know Him, including some who grew up with him and can't believe someone hasn't beaten him to death by now. Enjoy!
The Mayor's Corner - December 2014.
A Holiday Message for the lemmings...err, I mean Pro-Barbee voters.
The Children of the Corn cult...err, I mean Barbee's Bandits...damn it all to Hell, I mean the Stanfield Town Council has alerted me to the need to manufacture...err, I mean explain to folks that even though I act like one, I am not an Elitist Scumbag Prick, even though I am.
Furthermore, they have alerted me that I also need to make an effort to pretend...err, I mean try to explain away the perception that I only care about my local clique members and various morally-flexible enablers...but damn, even for me - that will be a massive spin job.
While I am and have always been a basic prick type, the Elitist Scumbag part is a complete fraud and simply not true. I was so poor as a baby that my Mother had to make me a baby cradle out of an old greasy pickle bucket and she had to dress me in clothes made out of yard leaves. I can remember with great fondness her lovingly rocking me back and forth, in that pickle bucket, as she sang along with Old Time Gospel Music on the radio. That stolen radio...err, I mean borrowed, but never returned to neighbors, is still in my possession today and it brings back so many memories. As an older child, we were still so poor that one year my Father cut a hole in my pants pocket for Christmas, so that I would have something to play with.
As I grew a bit older - I did many things to help us get by, some of which I regret, in relation to, area truck stops. Those regrets explain why I have this stupid, face covering beard, so that certain truckers and fuel pump attendants from my past won't recognize me.
Once I reached manhood, even though my genitals never caught up, I married and had a few children, one of which I'm not sure is even mine. I then found and started working at a local job that allowed me to stand up more often. The land we all lived on and that we are still on today, was GIVEN to me by in-laws (not earned.) The White Trash 'condition' Mobile Home that we lived in (which was all my previous Trucker Related activities income could afford) was later destroyed by Hurricane Hugo, as reported in one of my recent slimy...err, I mean informative 'Oh Look at Me' - campaign letters. Furthermore, even though I work at an engineering firm, I Am NOT an Engineer, even though I prefer folks to think that I am, since it sounds so much more powerful than my reality, which is being a Bean Counting Clerk & Errand Boy.
Yes, most of what you folks know or think you know of me is a complete load of crapola.
I am not, never was and never will be at the level of greatness or importance or genital size that I crave, but with my group of enablers backed by my uninformed church related Lemmings...err, I mean area voters, no one will be the wiser!
Speaking of my job situation and the new year, mine might not go so well.
The Reason?...My employer has recently been bought out by a larger competitor, this can only mean a return to my former kneeling position and a supreme effort to Con...err, I mean Convince this new group of executives that I am worth keeping around and continuing to issue paychecks to. Yes, a pretty bad year cometh for sure, not to mention the fact that I am now living under an old Jewish Curse and will probably be dead of anal cancer or some other 'in my case' deservedly horrifying medical event within 2 years or less.
Karma is so damn inconvenient!
I admit I need to do some damage control, but it may be too late.
So, as you can see, my support of Class Warfare in Stanfield and my Pretending to be among the Elite is a complete Fraud. In reality - I am barely adequate, barely a man, much less accomplished and much less significant than most, including the several folks that I have demonized, railed against or lied about all these years. My additional victims include Stanfieldians that I have treated poorly, ignored or even secretly supported attacks against, even though they had not hurt a single fly, until I energized them with my extremely poor leadership. I probably have no business running a beer tab down at Stanfield's new gay bar, much less running the actual town of Stanfield.
Others who hate me are the many former and soon to be former employees that I have turned on. What's the big deal?..err, I mean sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, right?...plus it's in my nature...err, management style, so they should have known better than to think they were safe, valued, loved, appreciated or irreplaceable.
Therefore, as I now pretend to be humble...err, I mean making an effort to reform myself as my new years resolution, I admit that I am an almost useless asshole...err, I mean a person in need of improvement. With that in mind, I ask for your continued support in my efforts to trick...err, inspire more folks into supporting me, as my life goal is to be your Loving Mayor forever. Unfortunately, that can only happen if I can replace each person StanfieldPress wakes up with at least one new uninformed Lemming who is also registered to vote AND does not actually know me.
In closing, I want to wish you from the bottom of my heart (which is actually only a non-specific muscle spasm located where my heart should be) a Merry Christmas along with a Happy New Year and I mean that will all sincerity......sorta, kinda, not really.
2014 - StanfieldPress.com
Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!
Stanfield, N.C.
Biggest Poser, GlitterBug Mayor
&
Mass Stockholm Syndrome
Area.
Welcome to the Mayor's Corner, Page # 2:
As you can see by the 'Worst of Map' below - (under my leadership)
Stanfield is not only considered by many to be the Butthole of Stanly County, but it has also reportedly achieved State Wide Buttholedom.